me in a trap

it's hardly to believe
someone i trust is changed
i couldnt believe it
but i didnt want to show it to him
i feel doubt in my heart
i cant make any decision
i feel down..but i cant recover my self
if this make me feel bad..i just let the scar spread in my mind
it's stupid
but i try to always open my mind and open my heart
hope that someday everything will be ok

i dont know either will be worse
i should take a step
i dont wanna trap in this kind of feeling
i need to move on in my life
i want to pass succeedly in this way..
i feel really bad..

but i have to move on
i try to ignore him
until i dont mind if someday he will leave me behind
i will smile and i wont cry
coz...he's not mine

i really speachless
i cant understand for this situation
i know i am wrong to make one decision
i absolutely very blame inside my self
somebody needs to help my situation
somebody needs to help me
but
somebody that i wish could support me for this situation
just loose my hand
and let me pass this situation alone
i feel worse day by day
i feel no one care about me
i distrust to him
until i dont wanna need him anymore

i wanna life alone
i am happier to life by my self
than i must always use this fake face
i really hurt because of this
i finally realize
that love from him is not true love
it's only passion but cant touch my heart

now everything was happenned
i dont want let my self cry and regret for this
i wanna be healthy person again
i want to relieve my depression feeling by my self

please....i really need someone to help my stress
i need to continue my life
i want to pursue my dream
i want to release this heavy matter in my life
i wanna live freely in my life

tears please cure my hurt inside my heart
smile please fill my heart with happiness
for him...i know that you are not my everything
for him.. i want you go out of my mind
you like venom to me that will kill me step by step
you just attractive in surface but very deep hurt in my heart

i still want to life happily without you
i wanna life without you
i wanna loose you
i wish i didnt meet you again

thats the only way so i can be happy again...
bye bye dear
bye bye bebz

finally we cant be together
i am sorry that i erase all my memory with you
i erase all my love feeling for you
now..all is plain...
bye bye dear

kerja kerja kerja

i have decided for focus to get work....
yes i thought that i have chosen the best for my career..
before internship in astra i have get job offer in bandung
but i decided to follow in astra
i hope it will be good hope for the future
yes..nothing in my mind before i get job.!!!!
never give up!!!!!

i must make people around me happy before i feel happy..
keep spirit!!!!

from now i will open my self

disclosure
to all i keep from public

what will u say..

i will receive..

whatever you say about me...

god know me the best...

i love my god.......till i die..

good person

if you say i can solve your problem
maybe
if you say i always listen carefully to your case
i think so
if you say i always motivate you to change
well i would

and then..
what will they do..
if i hurt
if i injure
if i break
if i tire
if i want to stop the time

will they understand me..
will they know me..
will they take me out from the problem..

not just trust to everyone.......
but
how they know about me....
i need someone to understand me
to my absurd
to my trait
to my opinion

so selfish..
so annoyed

but i dont have anyone to know me better

get off my life...
if you scared of me..
avoid me..
if i tease you..

it's hurt to become indigo
when not anyone can't understand me better

sad...deepest sad..

only god....who know me the best..

this is my life

either good or bad
angel or devil
i can't stop thinking where is me
have i disappointed someone??
have i left by someone?
my colour is just blurr
from dark to light it's all mix together
though finally i get success in graduate from my major
but i still have any problem..
still
what should i do after i graduate
what i will be???
that's big question in my mind
i don't have direction to become what kind of person in the future..
yes so heavy for me to shape my life

i dont wanna lose any chance
i want to grow better
i want to develop in good way
i want people that important to me become proud of me
i wanna be the winner..

but to get all there
i must cure my life
cure my soul
cure my mind
cure my heart

stupid...heart...damn....fool...baka...
heart...
just the point now why i cant leave this deep hurt..
i wish you would feel the way i feel..

antara bisnis dan skripsi

aduh kenapa pikiran gw isinya cuma bisnis mulu..dikit2 cari uang lari sana lari sini telpon sana sini akhirnya gw ngerasa skripsi gw gimana ,,apa kabar..kayaknya gw harus bagi waktu nih

piknik bersama bahtera

udah lama gak nulis.aku sibuk ngurusin skripsi, bentar lagi tanggal 1 aku mau sidang up..cie... gggoo untuk dibantai.

selasa dan rabu kemarin ceritanya aku ikutan piknik bersama lima lsm lain di bandung. sebenarnya tugas ku sebagai pendamping sosial yang ngejagain anak2 tapi ternyata pas out bond aku malah sibuk main sendiri.naik ini naik itu, wah seru.. kapan lagi dapat kesempatan yang jarang banget.. ya udah dimanfaatin aja..

selasa sore aku cabut dari kosan ke kirpay, disana aku langsung di suruh mengajak anak2 bermain..walah2 ternyata kondisinya susah diatur booo.. yaudah lah kita menyanyi bersama aja.. untung ada yang jago main gitar.. tujuan ku datang ke sana ceritanya juga mau to alat ukur kedua yang baru jadi..freshh banget gitu lho..

ternyata anak2 nya sulit diajak kompromi.susah banget minta mereka bantuin aku ngisi alat ukur.. yah sabarlah..merayu2 dikit biar berhasil.at least emang aku gak ngasih apa2 takut kebiasaan ntarnya. aku kelupaan bawa selimut ama jaket alhasil aku tidur dengan keadaan meringkuk karena kedinginan. tapi temanku menyelimuti aku ama seprai. aku yang alergi debu ini langsung gatal hidungku mau bersin.

besoknya setelah berjam2 diberi pengarahan dari dinas sosia, polisi, agama anak2 mulai sulit dikondisikan untuk duduk di dalam kelas lagi ketika ada arahan dari dinas pendidikan. alhasil selama menjaga sesi ini aku sempat kejar2an ama anak yang mau kabur, beberapa kali misahin yang berkelahi..fuhhh it's so tiring me..

waktu yang ditunggu telah tiba yaitu out bond cuma sayang panas sekali yaitu jam satu siang aku ikut ke t4 out bond. awalnya aku hanya melihat saja karena aku yang seharusnya menjaga anak2, tapi lama kelamaan aku mulai tertarik untuk mencoba. diawali oleh 3 temanku yang naik jaring laba2 terlebih dahulu.. ehmm sebenarnya saat mereka naik ke atas jaring aku sebentar ikut menggoyang2 mereka, aku hanya memegang bambu saja.. alhasil setelah giliranku naik, aku dibalas digoyang tidak karuan oleh mereka. jaring ini terletak pada ketinggian sekitar 9 m, udah gitu lubang di jaringnya cukup gede.. apa yang terjadi seandainya aku terperosok.. mungkinkah gw jatuh dengan goyang an yang cukup kencang itu.. gw berusha memegang jaring sekuat tenaga dan membawa keseimbagan diri sebaik mungkin, untunglah aku pernah latihan aikido.. heheheh that's easy for me to keep my balance, soalnya aku selalu berusaha menjaga tubuhku agar stabil saat menghadapi uke di aikido..akhirnya aku sampai finish..horeeee dengan kaki gemetar aku kembali harus menuruni tangga setinggi 9 meter pula..

dari sana aku berlari ke tempat berjalan di atas satu tali..hmm saatnya menguji keseimbanganku kembali. lumayan aku melewatinya dengan mudah dan tanpa rasa takut, walaupan saat di tengah tali, sempat terjadi getaran pada tali tapi aku tetap dapat melanjutkan hingga finish..terakhir permainan yang aku tunggu yaitu flying fox wah seru deh pokoknya aku bisa terbang kayak batman..

hmmm... next apalagi ya.....
oh ya aku jadi bertanya2 haruskah aku menunggu orang itu atau aku berlari mencari yang baru..hidup memang penuh dengan ketidak pastian