weekend yang seru !!!!

ceritanya hari sabtu kita uda rencana buat ke novotel untuk lihat pameran pendidikan dari aminef. aku berangkat dari nangor jan 10.00 uda gitu aku ketemu gds dan kita sama2 naik bis damri ke du. sesampai di du kita ke masjid untuk salat duhur dan ketemu eka. dari situ kita bertiga makan siang di dekat kampus. padahal aku baru aja ngabisin lumpia basah yang dibeli di pangdam lo, tapi aku udah gak tahan laper lagi... hihihi meskipun badan kecil aku banyak juga makannya...

ternyata pita gak bisa berangkat bareng ke novotel. udah gitu kita naik angkot caheum ciroyom, dan cisitu tegal lega.sepanjang jalan cihampelas aku liat banyak banget fo.. wah jadi mau belanja!!! akhirnya kita sampai juga di novotel.. aku sempet dikasih tahu ama temanku gara2 aku make sandal plastik bara2 ke dalam acara resmi.. habis gimana lagi aku males pake sepatu. dari sana temanku sempat bilang ke aku untuk ayo kita mulai keliling stand, lo yang jadi jubir ya..! pertama aku ngerasa kurang tertarik untuk belajar di amrik, lagian selain mahal aku gak cocok ama kultur disana. entah kenapa, gw lebih cocok di eropa. ya udah aku kumpulin aja majalah sama buku panduan untuk belajar di univ amrik. senang juga sih jadi bertambah pengetahuan tentang pendidikan di negeri paman sam itu. hmmm aku rada tertarik karena ternyata ada beasiswa untuk kuliah gratis disana. tapi kata temanku lebih baik cari yang di jerman karena disana tempat leluhur psikologi unpad.

ternyata pita gak masuk ke dalam hotel. dia cuma jemput kita di depan novotel. dari sana sempat bingung mau kemana. aku ngajak ke braga coz aku mau beli printer disana, tapi yang lain mau ke ciwalk ya udah aku ikut aja dehh.sesampai di ciwalk, kita berjalan2 dulu disana. aku yang suka japanese style masuk toko harajuku, tapi ternyata bajunya biasa aja, aku kira banyak baju model yukata disana ternyata gak beda sama toko baju biasa, malah cenderung banyak kemeja kotak2 disana..well kecewa gw.dari sana kita juga muter2 keliling toko meskipun gak beli apa2, yah lagian juga aku memang gak berencana shopping kali ini disana. yang seru ketika aku masuk pet shop. disana aku tertarik ama kelinci yang lucu banget.ya udah aku masuk aja ke dalam, tapi baru beberapa langkah aku liat ular sanca kuning yang gede banget di kandang.entah kenapa aku langsung lari dan gak mau masuk ke dalam..hihihihi aku fobia ama ular...

indah sekali pemandangan di jalan ciwalk ini, seperti di luar negeri, teapi sayang aku gak bawa kameraku. tapi entar ada sesi pemotretan khusus kok, tunggu aja yah jalan2 berikutnya, ntar aku kasih gambarku ...:)
kita juga akhirnya mampir ke gokkana teppan untuk makan siang. ehm enak kok, semua serba jepang,tapi sebenarnya aku cari fishyyyy terutama fishy rebus wow yummyy, aku emang penggemar berat ikan apalagi kalo setengah matang..hmmm

abis dari sana kita pada solat ashar, udah gitu aku liat tempat pembuatan roti di bread talk..wow kerennn aku mau bisa bikin roti kayak gitu...hmmm..jadi laper nih. terus kita akhirnya ke tempat timezone deh..yah namanya juga timezone,dimana2 pasti mainannya kayak gitu..ya udah semangat gak semangat sih main disana. kita beli power card.pertama main ddr, dasar pada gak bisa, jadi ya udah deh ddr cuma gitu aja.udah gitu hihii main pukulin berang2 karena kita berempat jadi kita dapet banyak tiket deh..secara kita curang banget mainnya. dari situ kita main basket rame2 tapi tiket yang didapet cuma dikit.aku jiga sempat main motor,tapi aku gak puas, karena nabrak terus dan cuma jadi juara ke 5..ahhh tapi lagi2 kita putusin untuk ngabisin sisa credit untuk main pukulin berang2.wah seru deh. kita udah jadi yang paling ribut. aku aja gak ngerasa kalo tanganku udah tergores dan berdarah gara2 gelangku. horeee kita dapat banyak tiket dan sempat foto2 sama tiket yang kita dapatin..wah pokonya seru deh.. hmmm

hari sudah menjelang malam,sebelum itu kita pergi dulu ke handycraft expo buat liat merchant disana.. abis gitu kita pulang deh ke tempat masing2...sampai jumpa lagi di laporan weekend berikutnya

berhubung kuliah tinggal 4 sks, aku tiap hari cuma ngerjain skripsi doang kerjaannya. wahh ibu udah beliin kebaya buat wisuda.. sepertinya waktu berlalu cepat sekali..

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Dr. Robert Hare: Expert on the Psychopath

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By Katherine Ramsland

Early Experience

Hare received his master's degree in psychology in the early 1960s, and before he could continue with his Ph.D., he needed to work for a while. Thus, he became the sole psychologist for the British Columbia Penitentiary, a maximum-security prison near Vancouver. He had no particular training in this area, or any keen interest in criminology, and to his chagrin, the prison gave him no introduction to his duties. "I started work completely cold," he writes in Without Conscience. He had to feel his way and hope he made the best of it.

Without Conscience by Dr. Robert Hare">

Without Conscience by Dr. Robert Hare

Some of the prisoners soon spotted Hare's naiveté, and they took subtle advantage of it by doing things like making him a prison uniform that did not quite fit and asking for unauthorized favors. The first prisoner to visit him was a man he calls "Ray." This inmate, who possessed an intense and direct manner, came into Hare's office with an issue that he needed to discuss. He then pulled out a knife, startling Hare, but said he was going to use it on another inmate.

This declaration immediately placed Hare in a bind: if he ratted, the word would get around that he couldn't be trusted. If he didn't, he'd be violating the prison rules. In other words, in that moment, he had lost his standing in one of those arenas. When he did not report the incident, he realized that he had been caught in Ray's clever trap. Ray knew that the new psychologist was a "soft touch," and his manipulations continued.

Hare remained at the prison for eight months, and during that time, Ray plagued him with requests for favors, offering reasons that generally turned out to be lies. "He lied endlessly, lazily, about everything, and it disturbed him not a whit whenever I pointed out something in his file that contradicted one of his lies." Whenever Hare resisted him, Ray turned nasty. It wasn't easy to know what to do with this man.

This was Hare's first extended encounter with what he would later realize was a psychopath. And it didn't stop there. Leaving the prison to return to the university to work on his doctoral degree, he eventually began to do research for his dissertation. That's when he came across publications that described the kind of person that Ray clearly was: a psychopath.

Still, Hare did not make the connection. At least, not then.

After finishing his degree and getting a teaching position at the University of British Columbia, Hare was seated at the pre-registration desk for classes when he heard a familiar voice. It was Ray.

This former inmate, now standing there in line with the other students, was bragging about how he'd been Hare's assistant and confidante at the prison, especially on difficult cases. Hare was astonished, so he confronted the imposter. To his further amazement, Ray never broke his stride. He greeted Hare and smoothly steered the conversation in a new direction.

Hare later wondered just what it was in this man's psychological makeup that allowed him to so effortlessly engage in manipulation and deception, without any apparent pangs of conscience or embarrassment.

It wasn't long before he was fully engaged in studying that very personality type, and it was to become his lifelong occupation. There were many more people like Ray, both in prison and outside.

By Katherine Ramsland

What is a Psychopath?

"Psychopathy is a personality disorder," Hare writes in Without Conscience, "defined by a distinctive cluster of behaviors and inferred personality traits, most of which society views as pejorative."

In other publications, he points out that among the most devastating features of psychopathy are a callous disregard for the rights of others and a propensity for predatory and violent behaviors. Without remorse, psychopaths charm and exploit others for their own gain. They lack empathy and a sense of responsibility, and they manipulate, lie and con others with no regard for anyone's feelings.

That description sounds plain enough, but over the decades the concept and definition of psychopathy have gone through many changes. Unfortunately, some of these shifts have been the product of evolving fashion in the professional community rather than an attempt to better identify the members of a specific population. While psychopathy was the first personality disorder that psychiatry formally recognized, it wasn't easy to crystallize a workable concept for behavioral analysis. Hare has been at the forefront of those researchers who have identified just what a psychopath is.

Dr. Hervey Cleckley

Yet before his time, another professional was doing something similar, for similar reasons. In 1941, Dr. Hervey Cleckley published The Mask of Sanity, a groundbreaking approach to psychopathy. Up until that time, psychopathy had been referred to by such labels as "insanity without delirium," "moral insanity," and "psychopathic inferiority." Having encountered this distinct personality type during the course of his work, Cleckley came up with sixteen traits that, in constellation, formed a specific pattern of perspective and behavior. Among them were manipulativeness, irresponsibility, self-centeredness, shallowness, and lacking in empathy or anxiety. As later research indicated, they also were likely to commit more types of crimes, and be more violent, more likely to recidivate, and less likely to respond to treatment than were other offenders.

Cleckley wrote introductions to successive editions of his book, commenting on the psychiatric community's hesitation to address this population. Where clinical assessment and treatment were concerned, psychopaths appeared to be on a back burner.

"This group," he wrote, "plainly marked off from the psychotic by current psychiatric standards does not find a categorical haven among the psychoneurotic They are also distinguished practically by their ability to adjust without major difficulties in the social group." Cleckley perceived that, because the syndrome was difficult to spot from outward symptoms, the psychiatric terminology simply failed to offer a way to understand and address such people.

To put the situation in perspective, in the fifth edition of The Mask of Sanity, published in 1976, Cleckley used the metaphor of electricity conductors. A pair of copper wires carrying 2,000 volts of electricity, kept apart, offers nothing to indicate what the wires may do. "When we look at them, smell them, listen to them, or even touch them separately, [they] may give no evidence of being in any respect different from other strands of copper." However, connect these seemingly innocuous wires to a motor to make the circuit, and the unmistakable evidence of electricity appears. "So, too, the features that are most important in the behavior of the psychopath do not adequately emerge when this behavior is relatively isolated." To see the "symptoms" of psychopathy, they need to be "connected into the circuits of a full social life." In short, we see the psychopath best, not in the clinic or prison, but in situations in which he can best operate as a manipulative con man.

Hare's work was influenced by Cleckley's writings but, in turn, Cleckley was influenced by Hare's research. In their correspondence Cleckley described himself as a "voice crying in the wilderness," and his work as having little impact on psychiatric thinking. In a signed copy of The Mask of Sanity, Cleckley inscribed: "For Robert Hare, whose impressive studies of the psychopath have encouraged and stimulated me over the years and have played an important part in enabling me, after long frustration, to complete this fifth edition. With profound gratitude."

Cleckley's book made a valuable contribution, but as the concept of psychopathy continued to evolve, the emphasis in assessment practices for most American clinicians moved away from a focus on personality traits and toward specific behavioral manifestations.

In 1952, the word "psychopath" was officially replaced in psychiatric nomenclatures with "sociopathic personality," and these labels eventually came to be used interchangeably under the heading of "personality disorder." Then with the second edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-II) in 1968, "sociopathic personality" yielded to "personality disorder, antisocial type."

Yet there were no diagnostic criteria for the disorder, so researchers looked for ways to come up with some. Hare and his colleagues emerged with the single best method, but not without a lot of work.

The PCL-R

"When I was working on my Ph.D.," Hare recalls, "I was interested in the effects of punishment on human behavior. My dissertation looked at the frequency, intensity, duration, and delay effects of punishment. Of course, I needed to start thinking about people who were resistant to the effects of punishment, so I started reading up on the psychopath. Hardly any empirical research on psychopathy was going on, so I started to publish some of my own results in 1965."

That led to an opportunity. At John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Brendan Maher was putting together a series of books on behavior pathology. He was impressed with Hare's work and asked him to write one of the books, so in 1970, Hare published Psychopathy: Theory and Research, which set forth some ideas that would guide much of the research on psychopaths over the next two decades. Just the year before, he had received a large grant from the Canadian Mental Health Association, and this provided funds to increase his research efforts.

He noticed throughout the early 1970s that other researchers in the same area were using different classification systems to address psychopathy, such as categories based on the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory and the California Psychological Inventory. That was a problem, however, because these were self-report inventories, and it's not difficult for clever psychopaths to figure out the test structures and to lie. Aside from that, researchers were going in too many different directions.

"Nothing was consistent," Hare says. "The results were all over the place. I began to realize that if you can't measure the concept, you can't study it."

He decided to experiment with different systems of assessment and measurement, using ratings based on clinical accounts, such as the detailed case descriptions of psychopaths that he had read in The Mask of Sanity. "Cleckley was the one who put it all together for me," Hare affirmed.

He and his assistant went through numerous files and did many interviews, trying to determine what makes one person a psychopath and another person not. He came up with a three-point rating system, and then a seven-point one. Yet neither satisfied him, and journal editors did not understand what he was actually measuring. Then, as with most discoveries, perseverance and the constant grind of trying different things finally paid off.

"One day," Hare remembers, "a research assistant who had been with me for a dozen years and I decided to quantify what we thought went into our assessments. First, we listed all the characteristics we thought are important. We had about a hundred different features and characteristics. Then we started to score these on people on whom we already had done the seven-point assessment. We were able to cut the list down to twenty-two items that we thought were useful for discriminating a psychopathic criminal from a non-psychopathic criminal."

Hare's first published work on this 22-item research scale for the assessment of psychopathy appeared in 1980.

That was the same year that the DSM-III came out.

Then the field began to divide.

Hare was acquainted with people who were on the DSM-III work committees and had some input into their discussions about the criteria they were devising for what they were calling antisocial personality disorder. However, he diverged significantly from American ideas about the disorder.

Dr. Lee Robins, an eminent sociologist whom Hare knew, was working to focus the antisocial diagnosis strictly on behavior. Hare recalls that it was her contention that clinicians cannot reliably measure personality traits such as empathy, so it was best just to drop them from the list of criteria and include only overt behaviors.

Hare saw a draft of what the committee was proposing and he spotted real problems. Of the list of 10 items, which consisted primarily of violations of social norms, a person needed to manifest only a few to be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. To his mind, that would encompass the entire prison population. Not only that, it would not be congruent with his understanding of a psychopath. He made suggestions for changes to bring antisocial personality disorder a little closer to psychopathy, but for the most part the committee members went forward with their own ideas.

The DSM-IV Manual

With some adjustments, these criteria were continued over the next two decades in the DSM-III-R and the DSM-IV. Accordingly, clinicians who use these manuals look for symptoms in people over 18 and not otherwise psychotic who since age 15 have shown a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others. Among these behaviors, the person has done at least three of the following:

• failure to conform to lawful social norms
• deceitfulness
• impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
• irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
• reckless disregard for safety of self or others
• consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
• lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent about having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

So while there was now a list of explicit criteria for clinicians to use, APD (Antisocial Personality Disorder) proved to be unworkable for those who were researching psychopathy. Hare points out, "In forensic populations, diagnoses of APD have far less utility with respect to treatment outcome, institutional adjustment, and predictions of post-release behavior than do careful assessments of psychopathy based on the traditional use of both behaviors and inferred personality traits." While most psychopaths may fit the criteria for APD, the majority of people with APD are not psychopaths. In other words, there were now two different diagnostic instruments to assess two different populations that shared some but not all traits in common.

The PCL-R Manual, Second Edition

Hare had continued his work with the assessment scale, eventually called the Psychopathy Checklist, and in 1985, he revised it to include only twenty items. It was now known as the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R), and was completed on the basis of a semi-structured interview with the people being assessed, along with information from files. Person by person, each trait on the scale was rated on a scale from 0, meaning the person did not manifest it, to 2, meaning he or she definitely did. The total score was 40, and a person was diagnosed as a psychopath if his or her score fell between 30 and 40. (In some places, a cut-off score of 25 is useful.)

To help others with scoring, Hare put together a brief informal manual consisting of about twenty pages, and this was passed around. As more people used the scale and sent Hare their ideas and results, the manual grew in thickness. Finally in 1991, Hare formally published it with Multi Health Systems, which currently distributes it to qualified professionals. Throughout the rest of the decade, more researchers affirmed the PCL-R's reliability and validity with male forensic populations, and some branched off into work with adolescents and with females. Cross-cultural studies showed that the concept of psychopathy, as measured by the PCL-R, was generalizable.

According to Hare in an article published in 1998, "Psychopathy is one of the best validated constructs in the realm of psychopathology." The PCL-R generated a dramatic increase in basic research on the nature of psychopathy and on the implications of the disorder for the mental health and criminal justice systems.

Once it was clear that the PCL-R yielded such solid results, it was time to reach a larger audience than professional diagnosticians—people who might be the victims.

The Psychopath Defined

The work of Hare and his associates clarified a set of diagnostic criteria that offers a practical approach to both the assessment and treatment of psychopathy. The PCL-R items are grouped around two basic factors, affective/interpersonal features and socially deviant lifestyle (both of which have been divided further into four facets, two each for the two factors). Refocusing the idea of antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy is characterized by such traits as

• lack of remorse or empathy
• shallow emotions
• manipulativeness
• lying
• egocentricity
• glibness
• low frustration tolerance
• episodic relationships
• parasitic lifestyle
• persistent violation of social norms

It remained to translate the academic and professional work into a form that ordinary people could understand, so in 1993, Hare published Without Conscience. His purpose was to warn people about those predators who walked among them, and to provide a way for those with shattered lives as the result of an encounter with a psychopath to deal with it. He believes that, for their own protection, it's crucial that people learn to identify a psychopath who may be very close to them.

Too many people hold the idea that psychopaths are essentially killers or convicts. The general public hasn't been educated to see beyond the social stereotypes to understand that psychopaths can be entrepreneurs, politicians, CEOs and other successful individuals who may never see the inside of a prison and who don't commit violent crimes. However, they do often commit violations of another sort: They exploit people and leave them depleted and much the worse for the encounter. They prove to be treacherous employees, conniving businessmen, or immoral officials who use their position to victimize people and enrich themselves.

Hare says that we know little about these individuals in terms of systematic study about how the disorder manifests in the public at large. Nevertheless, there are indications that the personality structure and propensity for unethical treatment of others is common to both criminal and noncriminal psychopaths.

What's missing in psychopaths are the qualities that people depend on for living in social harmony. In this book, Hare estimated (conservatively) that there were more than two million psychopaths in North America. "Psychopathy," he insisted, "touches virtually every one of us."

Yet while not all killers are psychopaths, and not all psychopaths are killers, Hare does describe cases of conscienceless killers who appeared to show no human feeling for their victims. Among them, Hare listed:

John Wayne Gacy, mugshot

John Wayne Gacy, who murdered at least 33 young men and buried most of them in the crawl space beneath his house

Ted Bundy, who murdered more than two dozen young women in the 1970s, going into several different states to claim his victims

Joe Hunt, mugshot

Joe Hunt, who conned a gang of young men into a bogus money-making scheme that escalated into murder

Clifford Olson, who manipulated the Canadian government to pay him a substantial amount to show officials where he had buried his murder victims

Diane Downs, who shot her two children to attract a man who didn't want them, and then claimed that she was the victim

The type of violence in which they engage is qualitatively different from that of non-psychopathic offenders in that it is likely to be more predatory, motivated by identifiable goals, and carried out in a calculated manner without an emotional context. They tend not to commit crimes of passion, such as during a domestic dispute or extreme arousal. Some theorists believe that psychopaths may be motivated by weak emotions breaking through weaker restraints. They may simply be reacting, showing off or exerting control as a means of proving themselves. For the most part, their crimes are cold-blooded, and they felt excited by them rather than guilty. In those who are serial killers, there appears to be a strong tendency toward sadism.

The point is, these offenders find victims easily because they were glib, charming, manipulative, and predatory, while their victims are generally naïve. Psychopaths would realize less success if their targeted victims were savvier.

But what can people really do? Can this objectionable behavior be eradicated, or is there something biologically amiss with psychopaths that may give them an enduring place among us?

Psychopathy and the Brain

In a segment of "The Mind," a PBS documentary that looked at many aspects of behavior and the brain, Hare assessed "Al," a middle-aged man with 46 convictions for criminal acts from drugs to bank robbery. Using a neurological diagnostic test to eliminate obvious brain damage, Hare's team then gave Al tests that measure the processing of language. The question under investigation was whether or not there is something measurably different about the brain of a person who has been so socially deviant.

In a clinical interview, Al admitted to being extraordinarily good at lying; said he was never diagnosed as hyperactive; grew up in a violent area of Vancouver, BC, in Canada; and recalled incidents in which he had acted out in anger or in irrational ways, just to prove something about his macho self-image. He felt no concern for his victims, he says, or any remorse.

By the time he was 15, he was in prison, where he mingled with hardcore prisoners. He became more sensitive to how others treated him, and more reactive. He ended up stabbing someone.

Hare first tested Al on a dichotic listening device, through which words came to him via alternating ears. The results appeared to be consistent with the evidence that psychopaths may not process words primarily by left hemisphere activity, but instead involve both hemispheres equally.

The next test was even more revealing. Al watched different words come onto a monitor screen. Some of the words were generally considered to have emotional associations and others were considered neutral. Whereas most people respond more quickly to emotional words, Al's response time was the same to both emotional and neutral words.

"The impetus for this research," Hare says for the documentary, "is the clinical observation that psychopaths can say one thing and do something else. This has perplexed a lot of people. Is it simply lying, dissimulation, or hypocrisy? Probably not. There's more than that involved in it."

Hare points out that some people have described psychopaths as somewhat robotic, two-dimensional, emotionally shallow, and lacking in conscience. They may know intellectually they should not do something, but without the feeling component there could be less motivation to respond to the moral imperative. Their inhibitions for antisocial or violent behavior are much weaker than in normal individuals, and they readily learn and adopt behavior patterns that involve manipulation, deception, and violence to attain their own ends.

Because they don't understand the feelings of others and don't feel remorseful for harming them, psychopaths can easily rationalize their violence or deception as acceptable behavior.

Hare and his colleagues continued this research to learn more about the brain's involvement in psychopathic behaviors. They used whole brain functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to see if there were neurological manifestations of the way psychopaths process different types of words. When non-psychopaths processed negative emotional words (e.g., rape, death, cancer), activity in the limbic regions of the brain increased. For psychopaths there was little or no increased activity in these regions. Curiously, however, there was increased activity in other areas. In short, the emotional word does not have the same limbic implication for psychopaths that it does for normal people.

Limbic system

"They seemed to be like Spock or Data on Star Trek," Hare explains, "What I thought was most interesting was that for the first time ever, as far as I know, we found that there was no activation of the appropriate areas for emotional arousal, but there was over-activation in other parts of the brain, including parts of the brain that are ordinarily devoted to language. Those parts were active, as if they were saying, 'Hey, isn't that interesting.' So they seem to be analyzing emotional material in terms of its linguistic or dictionary meaning."

Yet Hare does not think that psychopathy is caused by brain damage. Instead, he says, "there are anomalies in the way psychopaths process information. It may be more general than just emotional information. In another functional MRI study, we looked at the parts of the brain that are used to process concrete and abstract words. Non-psychopathic individuals showed increased activation of the right anterior/superior temporal cortex. For the psychopaths, that didn't happen."

Hare and his colleagues then conducted an fMRI study using pictures of neutral scenes and unpleasant homicide scenes. "Non-psychopathic offenders show lots of activation in the amygdala [to unpleasant scenes], compared with neutral pictures," he points out. "In the psychopath, there was nothing. No difference. But there was overactivation in the same regions of the brain that were overactive during the presentation of emotional words. It's like they're analyzing emotional material in extra-limbic regions."

Does this mean they're trapped in a certain way of being? Is treatment even possible?

my day

what do you think about your life....???? hmmm my life is so fanciful.... i thanks to allah that so far i can life wealth. i always feel that. i never thought about poverty. i can buy anything that i want to buy tapi gak semua, misalnya aja aku gak bisa beli mobil sendiri.. hehehe ya enyalah kerja dulu atuh. aku bersyukur ama hidupku. so far aku rasa aku bisa hidup nyaman di sini. kalo masalah mungkin ada tapi setidaknya my fisiological need bisa terpenuhi dengan baik. salah satu nikmat yang paling aku syukuri adalah nikmat sehat yang diberikan tuhan padaku. alhamdulillah aku termasuk kategori orang yang jarang sakit.. hehehe aku juga gak punya penyakit kronis, jadi gak ngabisin uang buat berobat ke dokter.. jadi aku masih punya anggaran untuk pergi shopping. sakit yang baru aku derita yaitu pilek, mungkin karena udara dingin, tapi sekarang udah baikan karena aku sempat minum obat flu terus tepar deh. cuma flu aja udah bikin aku gak kuat, karena hidungku meler terus..dan banyak sekali tisu bertebaran di kamar...

aku terharu sekali saat temanku ngucapin terima kasih atas nasihat yang aku berikan dan ia berusaha untuk merubah pola hidup supaya meningkatkan drajat kesehatannya. dia juga bersedia jadi teman jogging sama yoga aku. yah aku beruntung tuhan memberi aku teman sehingga aku tidak kesepian di dunia ini :) besok juga aku mau lari pagi lagi sama temanku. aku adalah orang yang selalu harus punya teman dan sangat butuh teman , kalo enggak kau bisa stress sendiri, karena aku berasal dari lingkungan rumah yang ramai akan orang jadi aku gak biasa tinggal di lingkungan yang sepi.. ya soalnya di rumahku orang datang hilir mudik untuk ke salan, beli baju ato beras. jadi pasti ramai, banyak orang bercakap2 disana. kalo aku pulang juga aku paling capek jawab aku libur sampai kapan ?? hehehee begitulah aku... fren2222 forever

kadang aku merasa setiap orang mengalami ujian yang berbeda2 dari tuhan, termasuk aku. apakah ada orang yang selalu bahagia, yang hidupnya mulus dan lancar2 aja, dia juga selalu dapatin yang dia mau ??? maybe.. dia adalah orang yang paling beruntung di dunia ini menurutku, tapi apakah ia juga akan beruntung di akhirat nanti. aku bukan mengeluh tentang masalah hidupku, tetapi aku merasa ada saja yang harus kuhadapi.. tapi memang setiap persoalan yang aku hadapi membuatku menjadi orang yang semakin kuat dari sebelumnya. aku jadii berpikir jauh lebih dewasa , karena setiap kali menghadapi permasalahan aku pasti berusaha untuk meraih jalan keluar, dan disitu aku berusaha untuk mencari ada apa di balik semua ini. pelajaran hidup merupakan hal yang sangat berarti bagiku yang tidak bisa didapat di bangku perkuliahan... disana aku belajar banyak untuk mengembangkan diri. aku pun hari demi hari mulai berubah seiring hal berbeda yang selalu aku hadapi. apalagi untuk masalah kronissss aku sama sekali tidak ambil pusing, ketika itu datang aku merasa seperti udara kotor yang masuk ke dalam paru2ku lalu disaring dan dikeluarkan lagi , jadi tidak pernah aku simpan di dalam diri.

aku percaya takdir tuhan, aku percaya semua berjalan atas kehendaknya. aku selalu berdoa tuhan agar ringankan ujian ku atau tuhan berilah aku pertolongan. kadang jika masalah yang aku hadapi berat maka aku akan bercerita pada tuhan kenapa hal ini menimpaku ... dan bagaimana aku akan menghadapinya. aku bersyukur tidak terjerumus pada hal yang negatif untuk menghilangkan perasaan depresiku. at least pelampiasanku adalah dengan melakukan hal positif seperti olah raga, melepaskan emosi dengan berdoa pada tuhan. ketika aku tidak bisa menangis menghadapi masalah, aku bisa menangis dengan deras ketika aku bercerita pada tuhan. seolah dia benar tahu apa yang aku alami dan dialah yang paling mengerti aku di dunia ini...

setelah aku menangis di depan tuhanku biasanya hatiku sangat lega dan masalah itu sudah tidak hinggap lagi di hidupku.. makannya ketika ditanya apa artinya kebahagiaan bagi kamu,sebenarnya aku ingin menjawab bahwa kebahagiaan adalah ketika kita dekat dengan tuhan, karena disanalah kembalinya segala urusan kita sebagai manusia.

begitulah aku menjalani hidup dan masalah yang ku hadapi, tidak pernah aku anggap sussahhhh.. paling ujung2nya aku akan bilang emang gw pikirin!!!!!!!!!! BYE222222 masalah.... hihihihi

yuhuuuuuu

hari ini adalah hari yang begitu menyenangkan sekali.pagi2 pukul 5.30 aku udah bangun lho. aku janjian ama temanku untuk lari pagiii cieh hal yang langka sekali buat aku jalanin. dengan sekuat tenaga aku berusaha bangun dengan niat untuk lari. aku kalahkan udara pagi yang dingin yang terus memaksaku untuk tidur... aku menang. segera aku nyamper ana di kosannya. awalnya kita mau lari di lapangan rumput,tapi karena becek gak ada ojek kita gak jadi lari disana dan memutuskan untuk lari keliling unpad. saat awal berlari aku menawarkan gimana kalo yang berhenti duluan dia yang harus traktir sarapan pagi! ok kalo gitu siap ! selama aku lari kalo udah kewat fikom terus naik tanjakan di depan kandang sapi peternakan aku gak jauh dari situ pasti berhenti karena udah capek. hahahahah berhubung gak mau keilangan uang karena kalah, aku terpaksa lanjuttt.. cauw... aku terus melaju lari sampai di bundaran depan FPIK, aku kira saat itu aku sudah harus merelakan saja uangku kalo aku kalah.. yahhh memang sudah agak ngossss2an....

aku memutuskan arah kita belok kiri cari jalan sepi lewat belakang fikom. yah memang rutenya jadi lebih jauh...lalalalala...ana langsung ngeluh karena ada tanjakan lagi... kok tanjakan lagi sih bu! aku diem aja sambil nyimpen energi karena kalo terlalu banyak omong dan ketawa2 aku bisa kehabisan energi karena nafasku jadi kacau...lanjutttt.. yes ternyata aku masih kuat lhooo dan belum berhenti... tapi ana juga rupanya... sampai kita melewati turunan tanjakan cinta belum ada yang berhenti. akhirnya kita samapai di garis finish dan gak ada yang menang ato kalah...

hore kita berdua berhasil... baru kali ini kita bisa lari sejauh ini tanpa berhenti sedikitpun untuk jalan.. memang efek reinforcement punya arti yang sangat hebat untuk memacu potensi dalam diri orang... hurrayyyyy

siangnya aku ke kampus.. disana aku liat nilaiku, lumayan aneks a , pengkur b. syukurlah... si pita ngajak makan bareng abis kuliah pd 9. rupanya dia mau traktir aku ama gds. horeeee dari kampus kita langsung ke jatos.tapi aku harus ke perpus dulu untuk perpanjang buku. disana aku pinjam buku lagi dan ada ika. aku ngobrol sebentar dengannya.akhirnya sampai pada topik skripsi.ternyata subyek penelitian kami sama yaitu anak jalanan. akhirnya kami memutuskan untuk survey bersama2..wah menyenangkan sekali..sudah lama aku menunggu saat2 ini.

di jatos kita langsung ke lantai atas. sebelumnya mampir dulu beli donat ringo. disanan kita makan siang bersama gratis lhoo..ehm aku pikir bentar lagi aku harus nyediain budget buat traktir teman karena ultah.. wahhhh...disana aku banyak bercerita pengalaman seputar kkn. maklum aku udah kkn duluan.. buat aku kkn kayak libur panjang yang gak terlupakan dan dapet banyak pengalaman karena bisa terjun langsung ke masyarakat. mereka berdua langsung aneh waktu aku cerita setiap hari mandi bareng ama temen cewek..

udah kenyang... pita ngajak foto box.. sebelumnya kita ke tempat kacamata untuk periksa mata gratis. aku ternyata masih tetap minus satu slinder 0,5 tapi aku rasa pemeriksaannya kurang akurat, karena mungkin seharusnya aku sudah tambah minusnya..hihihihi.... aku juga coba tanya model kacamata disana.. ehm rupanya aku belum berniat ganti kacamata.nanti saja minta ibu buat ganti kacamata,daripada pakai uangku sendiri kan sayang,lagipula sebenarnya kacamataku masih bagus kok, tapi aku sudah lama tidak periksa mata lagi. mungkin sekitar bulan depan aku mau ganti kacamata.

yang seru waktu di tempat foto box. si gds tadinya mau pake wig tapi kata dia gak jadi karena jelek. terus aku dipaksa pake wig pink ma pita.

oh iya aku bentar lagi mo ikut tur anak psikologi... murah dan ke banyak tempat lagi.. mau tahu ceritanya.. nanti ya... dalam waktu dekat ini aku mau ke novotel buat liat pameran pendidikan dari amrik...

btw hari ini aku juga ketemu sarah yang baru pulang dari jepang.. aku dapet permen dari jepang lhooo rasanya manis sekali...

kesasar di bandung

hari jum'at lalu aku diminta temanku untuk anter ke rshs. seperti biasa kita ketemuan di pangdam.karena waktu udah jam 12 siang, aku ajak temanku makan dulu di warung depan kampus unpad du. udah gitu kata temanku aku ditawarin mau bawa motor gak ke rshs. sejenak ragu2 karena gak punya sim dan gak ngerti jalan raya di bandung. tapi temanku bilang di masih cukup ingat!!! jalan ke rshs. akhirnya aku memberanikan diri membawa sepeda motor tanpa sim... hahahaha hore aku berhasil gak ditilang pada akhirnya.

sejujurnya ini pertama kali aku bawa kendaraan di jalanan kota bandung, tahu sendiri biasanya aku kemana2 naik angkot ato damri. makannya aku agak kikuk dengan arah. setiap ada perempatan ato pertigaan aku selalu tanya, belok mana??? alhasil, padahal rshs udah segitu berdiri tegak dan gede di sebelah kanan, tapi temanku suruh belok kiri, ya udah kita jadi muter kemana2 sampe akhirnya kita balik lagi ke gedung sate, lewat taman sari dan lewatin jalan yang sama lagi. udah gitu temanku suruh aku masuk jalan yang di forbidden, otomatis para supir angkot pada teriak dengan keras kalo ini salah jalur. sebenarnya akupun tahu kalo itu jalur searah, tapi demi menghemat waktu untuk masuk pintu masuk rshs, terpaksa deh.

dari rshs kita melaju ke kimia farma di dago. dengan cuaca yang mendung,hujan rintik2 bikin aku jadi kedinginan. itupun sempat nyasar lagi untuk yang kedua kalinya. pertama aku salah ambil arah, seharusnya ke bawah ,tapi aku malah naik ke jembatan layang. yuhuuuu enak juga sih jadi bisa lewat atas. tapi waktu pas jalan menurun tiba2 macet yang panjang banget.. oooow aku akhirnya muter balik ke arah dipati ukur.

kita sampai dengan selamat di sekeloa.. untung orang tuaku gak tau kalo aku keluyuran di jalan raya pake motor...

aku juga udah selesai nonton bleach sampe vol 6,tepatnya di episode 198... seruuuu banget, tapi aku belum tahu gimana akhirnya para shinigami di hueco mundo. aku tinggal nunggu volume 7 nya. berhubung dvd room ku rusak, terpakasa aku nonton di kosan teman dan numpang nginep disana. tapi karena kosannya pinggir jalan, aku jadi gak terbiasa ama suara bising kendaraan yang hilir mudik di malam hari. aku sempat kesulitan tidur.. padahal biasanya aku paling cepat kalo suruh tidur....

aku lagi nabung buat beli printer lagi ama usb 4 gb sebagai pengganti dvd room yang belum bisa aku benerin. soalnya aku masih ada kaset kyo ama avatar 60 episode yang belum aku tonton.

yap minggu depan aku kembali mengitari kota bandung untuk survey tentang anak jalanan. mudah2an kali ini gak nyasar lagi. rencananya aku akan mengunjungi beberapa rumah singgah anak jalanan yang ada di bandung...

shopping

hari ini aku ngabisin duit buat belanja .. huh gak bisa ketahan, apalagi waktu liat kemeja ungu, aku langsung mau beli... biar kaki pegel berjalan muter2 pasar tapi aku tetap bertahan untuk hunting baju yang aku mau...udah gitu naik damri waktu perginya bikin aku mual...pusing..gara2 sering banget rem mendadak. shopping ini berguna buat ngilangin kekesalan gw karena nilai gw ada yang c dua.. hikkkkkks gw sedih banget...alhasil gw ambil 10 sks semester ini...hikkkkks padahal rencananya cuma 8 sks. udah gitu sku juga ngabisin waktu nonton bleach seharian... katarsis pokoknya...aku ngerasa kurang beruntung masalah nilai.. sabar....pokokknya..

yang lucu lagi waktu kita mau cari makan di warung ampera bandung, sampai disana kita keluar lagi gara2 temanku ga ada yang cocok menunya. tapi hari itu benar2 hari berolahraga,,, jalan dong dari itc terus ke kings.. hihihihi

apapun yang terjadi berjalanlah tanpa henti

horeee hari ini rencanaku gak ada yang jadi semua... aha mungkin pola hidup disiplin dan manajemen waktu memang lebih harus diperketat lagi. ya aku emang gak bisa ngatur waktu dengan baik, aku memakai ikatan longgar terhadap waktu, padahal waktu sangat berharga dan tak bisa berulang kembali. aku berusaha untuk menanamkan bahwa waktu adalah pedang or waktu adalah uang. tapi tetap saja, mungkin ini yang namanya habit. saking udah jadi habit tapi mudah2an belum jadi kepribadian. sossoso aku harus ubah habit ku yang satu ini.

hore besok ada suatu hal menantiku..hmmm seperti apa yah...meskipun hujan aku akan tetap berangkat. aku sudah lelah ngerjain up... say hello to the new world.. i'm coming...

up udah jadi

akhirnya setelah seharian berjuang, latar belakang masalah jadi jg. horeee. tapi ini baru langkah awal, karena aku belum seminar dan belum diminta revisi2 dan revisi. menjemukan juga ya sehari2 menghadapi permasalahan yang sama. lelah....

di usiaku yang nyaris menginjak 22 ini aku ngerasa kalo aku belum dewasa, tapi mau bagaimana lagi, kalo aku memang harus belajar jadi wanita dewasa. aku tidak mau lagi dianggap masih remaja dan berprilaku kekanak2an, sudah tiba saatnya aku menghadapi dunia ini sebagai seorang wanita dewasa i should change.

aku lagi suka lagi ello lho, hehehe ngena banget. pacar butuh apa nggak ? aku rasa sulit mendapatkan orang yang mencintai kita dengan tulus sepenuh hati. mungkinkah orang itu akan kutemui. belum lagi kalo dicocokkin ama kriteria, udah makin bertanya2 aja, siapa jodoh yang akan datang menjadi pendamping seumur hidupku ??? lagian kalo aku rasa,jumlah wanita di zaman sekarang jauh lebih banyak daripada jumlah pria, apakah mungkin kalo satu pria wajib memperistri lebih dari satu wanita. huh mudah2an jangan terjadi. tapi aku menikmati hidup seperti ini, bebas melakukan apapun yang kumau tanpa ada yang melarang. kalo udah punya pasangan pasti beban hidup makin bertambah karena mau tidak mau, kita harus berbagi sama pasangan kita. aku bukan cewe yang mudah gonta-ganti pasangan, mau dengan siapa saja yang datang. aku sangat pemilih lagi.. alhasil derita sampe sekarang tetap aja belum ada yang sesuai di hati.

buat aku hidup gak hanya sekedar memikirkan cinta belaka. jarang ada orang yang beruntung dalam kehidupan percintaan, sisanya mengalami hal yang memilukan karena cinta. bayangkan dilanda perasaan cinta pada seseorang dan rela menyerahkan apapun yang dimiliki untuk tetap bersama dengan orang yang dicintai, senantiasa menjaga cinta. buat aku cinta seperti itu diawali hanya oleh hawa nafsu belaka. cinta yang sebenarnya tidak akan menimbulkan kehancuran bagi orang yang mencinta. buat aku cinta yang menjaga aku dan bukan aku yang menjaga cinta, aku juga yang memberi karena rasa cinta bukan selalu ingin diberi atas nama pengendalian untuk orang yang dicintai. aku kadang benci ketika orang bilang cinta padahal penuh nafsu di dalamnya.

tapi sabar menanti datangnya cinta yang kucari...

she's so lucky

lucky hari ini hari yang aku syukuri... gak sia2 ol dari pagi sampe sore,ternyata aku dapat penlit yang sama kayak up aku... asyik hal itu udah mempermudah jalanku untuk nyusun up. mudah2an aku banyak diberi kemudahan buat nyusun up.

again and again

huh gara2 ol terus up jadi terbengkalai, gini ih gangguan waktu di depan laptop. pasti aja mau ngecek sana-sini. sampai2 aku gak jadi ke bandung buat lat kendo hari ini. ayo semangat.kalo besok belum selesai juga,mungkin aku bakal nonaktifin wi fi deh biar anteng...

harusnya besok aku ke sekeloa untuk cetak gigi, tapi sekarang aja belum apa2 upnya. mudah2an bisa cepat rampung gitu lho.

hampir tiap hari hujan,aku jadi males kemana2, rencananya aku mau nonton bleach ntar malem. tapi gak di laptop aku,coz gara2 keranjingan bleach aku kuat nonton selama 12 jam perhari dan itu berlangsung selama 2 minggu, alhasil dvd room aku rusak deh.yah payah, aku jadi terpaksa nonton di tempat teman.

catetan dari buku yang gw baca

schneider's view on psychopathic personalities were based on 3 fundamental points :
1. psychopathic personalities were abnormal personalities whose character makes them or society suffer. he emphasized the difficulties associated with this definition, in particular those due to the fact that the notion of suffering of society rests on a value judgement : the abnormal man who leads a revolutionary group. schneider broadening his definition by including as psycopath,individuals who,as a result of the abnormal character of their personality,are always involve in internal or external conflict.according to the nature of the situation involve.

2.psycopath is individual who in himself and regardless of social consequences.

3. certain feature of moral insanity in psychopath personality : the unstable, apathetic, abulic.
unstable have a periodic tendency ,of endogenous origin,to depressive reaction.
apathetic -sense of one who feels nothing. deprived of affectivity,compassion,modesty,honour,repentance,conscience,they are cold and brutal,and their delinquency comprises offense of brutality as well as breaches of property.
abulics are characterized by their lack of resistance to any influence ,especially negative ones. abulics is to be find in the field of criminality.

my skripsi

capek banget hari ini, udah dua hari full gw baca buku tentang psychopathic behavior. huh lagi2 gara harus nyelesain skripsi. udah tulisan cukup kecil dan bahasanya ilmiah banget, makin membuat otakku bekerja ekstra. untung bahan yang aku cari buat bikin skripsi ada disini.

pagi2 habis mandi aku dikagetkan dengan kabar dari desy yang katanya penyakit lupanya tambah parah. so so aku berharap dia gak terkena demensi... belum lagi aku yang diminta antar ke klinik memori di hasan sadikin. gw berharap prognosanya baik. sayang kalo masi muda udah kena demensia. aku beruntung tuhan kasi aku ingatan yang baik, bahkan kata orang aku punya ingatan yang kuat.

kalo yang aku tahu, demensia di masa muda bisa diakibatkan oleh gaya hidup juga lho..hmm sedikit ngulik pelajaran neurologi tentang demensia dan alzheimer. demensia praecox ini adalah istilah yang diberikan oleh kraepelin yang secara harfiah artinya demensia yang terjadi di usia muda. mungkin istiah yang populer ya pikun. kalo menurut aku sendiri demensia ini ada hubungannya dengan sistem saraf, dimana yang seharusnya akson pada jaringan saraf meluas karena bertambahnya informasi, tapi ini banyak akson yang berguguran dan kalo gak salah demensia yang parah disebut alzheimer. mudah2an ingatanku tentang hal ini benar.

mudah2an kesulitan desy dalam mengingat belum sampai demensia, mungkin karena faktor sensory register yang kurang bisa menginput data saat mau masuk STM, sehingga working memory agak terganggu untuk itulah terjadi kesulitan saat retention di LTM. diagnosaku masih sekitar itu, tapi belum tahu kalau udah pake alat tes memori di klinik memori nanti. yup aku juga jadi merasa otakku kini berharga ya, dengan ini aku bisa menjalani kehidupan dengan baik.

sekarang kebut lagi ngerjain up. dua hari ke depan, aku bakal keluyuran di jalanan untuk survey cari data tentang anak jalanan. yah mau gak mau biar ujan2 gini aku rela ngejalanin. targetku sih lulus tahun ini, apapun yang terjadi, aku harus tetap berusaha dan bersabar biar kelulusan ku lancar2 aja.

kendo

setelah tidak lagi melanjutkan aikido, aku akhirnya memutuskan untuk ikut klub kendo itb. jauh memang tapi apa boleh buat. dorongan untuk tetap belajar beladiri dalam hati ini masih tetap kuat. ya sudahlah, meskipun jauh aku rela untuk menempuhnya. aku ingin merubah nasibku di kendo setelah aku gagal bertahan di aikido. menurutku aku tidak terlalu bodoh untuk belajar aikido , namun sayang teakdir berkata lain, aku harus meninggalkan aikido yang sangat kusukai.

aku pun menganggap bahwa aikido akan menjadi dasar ketika aku berlatih kendo. aku berharap teman2ku di klub kendo akan menerima ku dengan baik. aku juga berharap dapat ikutan turnamen walaupun aku terhitung pemula, aku akan berusaha berlatih dengan baik agar aku layak ikut turnamen. mudah2an saja.

aku masih terus sering memikirkan masa depanku. kegalauan hatiku untuk menentukan ambil s2 psikologi atau ikut akpol atau psiad membuatku berada dalam keadaan goyah. aku senang jika harus s2 , tetapi aku juga ingin cepat dapat kerja dan hidup mandiri dari orang tuaku. tapi aku masih belum yakin jalan mana yang akan ku tempuh.

aku mulai hidupku di dunia beladiri dengan masuk kendo. semoga aku berhasil belajar beladiri dengan baik disana.